Interview with DR. KRAMPY


Let’s get to know Dr. Krampy, Santa Claus’ grumpy cousin!

“Hello Dr. Krampy, we are honored to have the chance to talk with you. Let’s start with a fundamental question: how do you feel about being the keeper of coal for naughty children?”

Krampy: Oh, what an honor for you, you mean! First, I’d like to point out that my real name is Dr. Sibelius Krampus. But fine, you can call me Dr. Krampy… I’ve resigned myself to it by now. In my cousin’s Kingdom, even the most serious name gets turned all soft and cutesy… how depressing! Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, the coal factory is the only serious and useful thing compared to all the nonsense I see and hear around here! I only regret that that fool cousin of mine, Santa Claus, doesn’t use it the way he should… these days, my WONDERFUL coal is more for heating the Kingdom than for giving out gifts! I’m surrounded by terrifying ignorance… if only someone realized how precious my coal really is, it would be used much, much better than the silly things you people believe in!

“But how could coal ever be a better alternative to the gift a child desires?”

Krampy: Children… bleah! That’s the real problem! It’s the children who are wrong, not my beloved coal! All the stories talk about coal as a punishment… completely unacceptable! My coal should be a highly desired, prestigious gift — far more valuable than those trinkets made by those elves who reek of good cheer from morning to night!

“Tell us, Dr. Krampy, what do you think of the theories that say there are no bad children, only bad behaviors?”

Krampy: Grrr, that makes me so angry…! That’s surely one of those stories my cousin made up just to steal my job! An interesting concept, really! Kind of like the idea that Santa Claus might one day actually bring me a decent gift. But you know, I suppose deep down, behind bad behaviors there might be something else, maybe a little flash of light, even if I’d rather not admit it! It all depends on how willing you are to question yourself… but I’ve only seen a few manage that!!!

“Let’s be honest, Dr. Krampy, don’t you think your Sfatichinis would prefer a kinder boss?” 

Krampy: Ah, the Sfatichinis… a nightmare! They’d prefer a boss who hands out hugs and sings Christmas carols. But sorry to disappoint them, around here we work, not wag our tails like it’s a birthday party! I don’t understand why everyone loves them so much; to me, they’re insufferable! It’s not that I like them much, but I have to admit they do a good job… even if they get distracted and mess everything up time after time.

“Dr. Krampy, there’s a story going around the Kingdom that you were actually the one who suggested how to save Lucy. Doesn’t that show a gentler and more compassionate side of you, even if you try to hide it behind your gruffness?”

Krampy: Oh, that story again! What I did for Lucy was nothing more than a rational calculation. I don’t have time for emotional nonsense. My priority has always been keeping order in the Kingdom, not playing the good guy. Besides, she’s always buzzing around me! She’s the most stressful star I know… I only put up with her because sometimes her light helps me find my house keys. But seriously… have you seen her with that hat? Come on!

“Speaking of which, Dr. Krampy, we can’t help but notice your impeccable style and always sharp look! I must say, your hat is truly fabulous!”

Krampy: Ah, finally someone who appreciates true style! But have you seen how these Kingdom residents walk around? Henry the Nutcracker might be the only one who gets a pass. Like him, I prefer to stick to a more classic look. My wardrobe is inspired by an era of timeless elegance, a period when good taste and refinement were the very essence of fashion! My hat? Well, to hold all this head of mine, it had to be something really special… and of course, equipped with magical accessories! Very useful for my scientific research…

“Let’s talk about your adorable cat, Potty, Dr. Krampy. How has he changed your life?”

Krampy: Oh, my Potty… a big cat with a very special magical power! Potty’s presence in my life has added a touch of mystery and a pleasant bit of weirdness, even if I hate to admit it. It’s as if that furry big cat can shine a little light even on my darkest day…

“Dr. Krampy, people know about your rough relationship with Santa Claus. What would you say if he told you Christmas is much more than what you can touch?”

Krampy: Santa Claus and his lectures about the magic of Christmas… so boring! He sounds like a broken record. I’d tell him that reality is made of concrete facts, not illusions. But I doubt he’d listen, he’s too busy preparing gifts for people who don’t deserve them!

“But Doctor, there must be something you actually like about The Kingdom!”

Krampy: The BonBonBrownies! Let’s say they’re the only reason I’m still capable of smiling in this place. They’re my absolute favorite treats! But don’t tell Bon Bon that, I don’t want him to get a big head.

“Finally, Dr. Krampy, if you could change one thing about the Kingdom of Santa Claus, what would it be?”

Krampy: Oh, only one? Well, I’d start by giving myself a bit more credit. And maybe fewer flashing lights… they’re really giving me a headache. Basically, something with fewer mushy feelings and more Halloween… But now that you’ve made me think of it, I just had a phenomenal idea… I’m off!

 

If you do not listen to your heart and your head is heavy and swampy, beware, you are growing up like Dr Krampy!